Eyes of Grey
by Brometheus
Summary: one shot: lavi never said he had an easy childhood, but he was at peace with himself. or at least he was until a seed of doubt was planted in his heart. returing to that place after so long makes lavi wonder if he made the right choice becoming Bookman JR


_**Eyes of Grey**_

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(A/N): right, well the first draft of this one shot was… well it was crapola. So I edited it. I also changed the title, cuz it sucked. I hope it turned out better. I worked pretty hard on it.

Please note that anything in italics is from the 'present' for Lavi.

Disclaimer: I do not own DGM (Oh how I wish)

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The tiny boy, no older than four, cowered as a group of older children pelted him with rocks.

"Go away, freak!"

"Mixed breed!"

"No one wants you, why don't you just die!"

"You should cover that ugly dead eye kid; make to world a better place!"

"Orphan brat! Go die and be with mommy!"

"Rot in hell dead eye!"

The small red haired child cried silently, covering his head and curling into a ball to minimize the damage. "Please stop… I just want to be alone. Please…" he begged quietly as the group laughed and taunted his misery. Wasn't it enough that his parents were dead? Wasn't it enough that he was alone, starving and cold at night? Wasn't it enough that no one cared? Why wouldn't they just leave him alone? Suddenly the rocks stopped and two of the boys who had been throwing rocks came forward. The taller one kicked the frail boy hard in the ribs before grabbing a fistful of that vibrantly red hair and forcing the smaller child's head up.

"Just go die, no one needs a burden like you." he sneered to the terrified and wounded little boy, his friend kicking the boy again in the ribs, satisfied at the loud cracks of breaking bone, before stalking away proudly, leaving the hurting scrap of life to die as the sun started to set.

He was a burden? He was useless? Why did they always say things like that to him? So many people saying the same thing… could it be true? What did anyone need from useless, wretched little boy, one with no parents, no future, no hope? The boy held back a sob as these thoughts swirled painfully in his head. The pain in his heart overriding the pain in his body as his limbs started to go numb.

Darkness settled fully in the tiny village, where the little boy with shocking red hair, and a dead left eye, his face marred by a half healed scar, lay in an abandoned ally, waiting for the cruel claws of death to take him.

"Mother… Father… I'm coming soon. Please wait for me; I want to be with you. Living hurts… people are cruel… I want to be with you two again…" the boy whispered, voice hoarse and fading. Everything was getting fuzzy, and the pain was making his joints and limbs cold. Blackness was slowly creeping in along the edges of his vision, and he hoped that it would end soon. He wanted to stop hurting, and feel his mothers warm arms around him again, softly cooing his name and stroking his wild red hair. A darker shadow passed over him, and he felt a hand placed on his forehead, before sinking into the sweet blackness that didn't hurt him.

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The two mismatched eyes slid open, one a bright emerald green, the other a dull grey, with a milky whiteness over top, making it look hazy and unfocused. The tiny boy was instantly assaulted by the aches of various injuries all over his body. He groaned and looked around, trying to take in his surroundings.

"Ah, I wondered when you were going to wake up boy." at the sound of another human voice the boy jumped and rolled off the couch he had been placed on.

"Ah! Owww…, Owww!" the boy winced as he felt his injuries rattle and ache from the small drop to the floor. The boy turned to face his 'savoir'. A grizzled old man, with darkly rimmed eyes stared at him with a grim expression as the junior eyed him suspiciously.

"Who are you? What do you want? Why did you help me?" he demanded. No one had helped him before, why they start now? Unless he wanted something…

"You have nothing. No family. No friends. The people of the only place you've ever know have abandoned you." The old man said slowly, seeing how the younger boy reacted. The red haired youth glared at him, but there was no denial in his one expressive eye.

"I am bookman. I travel the world, recording the history that never makes it into books. I am a silent observer in the flow of time. I never change or try to alter the flow; I just watch time pass, writing down the important things that change the course of history." the old man, 'bookman' said calmly, in that wise and careful voice that seemed as ageless as the sea.

"Then wouldn't letting me live change the flow of history?" the boy glared at the elder whose story contradicted itself.

"To a degree yes. But I have changed a detail in history in the hopes of recording more in the future." the bookman's word confused the young boy. What would his living do to record more time?

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you to become my apprentice. Learn the ways of bookman, become bookman, and give purpose to your until now, unnecessary existence." the boy winced at being called unnecessary, but regarded the old man silently for a moment.

"Give my life purpose? How?" he asked in a soft tone.

"That, I shall teach you as we travel. Right now all I need is a yes, or a no."

"And if I decline?"

"I will kill you. Allowing you to live has changed the flow of time. This is a sin for a bookman, unless a reason, such as gaining an apprentice is found. Killing you will only put things back into its rightful course."

"And if I accept, I become your apprentice…?" the boy said slowly taking in the bookman's words and the cold response in stride. They regarded one another for a moment, the solemn boy staring unflinchingly at the old man before he nodded.

"Alright."

"Good. I do not need to know your given name. I will rename you as I see fit and you will respond to that name until told over wise. You will call me 'master'. You will no longer show your true personality. Create a mask a wear it. Deceiving others into telling us what we want is the way of bookman. We leave this town tomorrow at noon. Say goodbye to whatever you please, for you will most likely never see it again. Be back at the inn by dark. Do not try and attack those boys. Your name until further notice is Nalin."

The small boy nodded. "Under stood master."

"Good." the boy nodded and left the room silently and bookman hoped his new apprentice would not do something stupid.

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"This is goodbye for now." the boy, now known as Nalin spoke softly to the stone in front of him, the names engraved on the tomb stone leering out at him. "I'm going far away from this place where they hate me, mother and father. I hope to find happiness, I get to learn things that no one else will ever know, I get to know everything! Maybe you two will have something to smile down on. I will move on, like you guys always wanted to." he smiled at the harsh grey stone, gently brushing his fingers along the rough surface.

"Well, what do we have here? The little freak? Still alive are you? That's surprising; I thought we'd killed you. Oh well, I guess this means we can have some more fun le-"

"That is not my name anymore. I am moving on from this place, and I am not allowed to fight you. Please let me pass without trouble, then I'll be out of your hair forever." the red haired boy, now called Nalin cut the leering voice of the older boy, of his previous tormentor off, and stood, facing them calmly.

"Oh? You're leaving? But weren't we friends? We'll all miss you so much!"

"I'm sure you will." the smaller boy sneered sarcastically. "I am leaving now." he turned away from the older boys and walked away from the graveyard. He sensed a projectile coming for him and turned in time to see a rock flying towards him. The newly named Nalin closed his eyes and waited for the impact.

But it didn't come. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw an aged hand holding a stone very close to his face. Looking up at the figure who was not much taller then himself, the boy gave the old man who had caught the stone a questioning look.

"Master?"

"Nalin, stay behind Me." bookman said coldly, and the youngster nodded, "There is no need for you to attack my student. Now be gone before I deal with you punks myself." the old man growled at the cruel child.

"Whatever old man. You want some half breed, orphan brat with a dead eye for a student, got right a head and take him. No one here wants him." the older youth turned away and sauntered off with a mocking laugh.

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"Hey, are you ok?" the red haired boy cracked open his eye, the dead one now covered in an eye patch, and stared into soft grey ones. An odd feeling of familiarity washed over him as he looked into those eyes, they seemed like something from long ago, but the boy couldn't quite place it.

"Yeah, just hit my head." he sat up, feeling the blow to the head the old panda had given him. It had been three years since the boy had joined bookman as an apprentice, and the man could still beat him to a pulp, even in his old age.

"Oh, that's good! I was worried! I'm Allen! What's your name?" the boy, Allen was no more than five, with soft the grey-blue eyes he had just been staring into and shaggy brown hair.

"Otto." the still slightly dazed boy replied.

"That's a nice name. German right?" the red haired boy nodded.

"That's nice, Mana tells me a lot about things, like names and where they come from and what they mean and stuff. He's really nice!" as the younger buy jabbered on, the redhead noticed that even though it was the middle of summer, and hot as a son of a -gun- the boy had a glove covering his hand, and a long sleeved shirt. A deep, rich chuckle came from behind and the boy, now named Otto, looked behind him, into the face of a gentle looking man with soft brown eyes and slightly greying hair, with smudges of clown makeup on his face.

"Come now Allen, leave the poor boy be. Its time for us to move on, we've been here long enough. I've made enough for a big meal for you!" the big man scooped the small boy into his arms, causing him to giggle. "Knowing how much you eat, its sure to be a lot!" the man teased as he walked away from the red haired boy.

"Bye Otto! Maybe I'll see you again someday!" Allen called as they walked away back into the crowded streets.

"Yeah, maybe…" the redhead sighed and wondered what it was like to have someone to love you, and hold you when your scared. The old panda never was cuddly. The boy whose name was now Otto sighed and looked around for the old man, his master.

"Otto! Come here!" the boy's head jerked at the sound of his alias and saw the panda waiting for him.

"Panda! I was worried! Why'd you just leave me like tha- OWW!" the red head received a good kick to the head and glared indignantly at the old man. "That was NOT necessary." he grumbled.

"I told you, idiot apprentice, I am not a panda, I am your master and that is what you will call Me." bookman replied coolly.

"Yeah, yeah I know gramps." earning himself another swift kick to the head.

"HEY!!"

"Shut up and lets go. We need to find a place to stay for the night."

"Yeah, ok." the boy now named Otto followed his cold, and seemingly heartless master to the nearest inn, wondering if he really wanted to be like that, after seeing the joy on that little boy, Allen's face, while being held and cared for by someone who loved him. Did he really want to kill his heart, like bookman said to?

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_"Lavi?" no response. "La-a-avi!" once again, no response. "LAVI!!" Allen screaming into the redhead's ear, causing the older boy to fall off his chair in surprise._

_"What is it Allen?" Lavi asked, sitting up as he rubbed his head._

_"I was on my way to lunch, would you like to join me? Lenalee has a mission, and I don't really want to eat with Kanda." Allen explained._

_"Sure! Anything to get away from all the work bookman is putting me through!" the hyper active redheaded 18 year old leaped up and practically dragged Allen out of the almost silent library._

_The boy, now named Lavi, watched in amusement as the younger tried to carry the heaping tray of food to an empty table._

_"You really do eat a lot you know." he mused, remembering the day they first met, a day Allen probably didn't remember, but that was ok. They were friends now right? Lavi had recognized Allen the moment he saw him again, even though he had white hair and that scar, his eyes still held that innocence, that purity that the younger Allen's eyes held. They were still familiar, even though he had only seen them once before._

_"Yeah, I have since I was a kid!" Allen smiled brightly at his friend before digging into his meal._

_"Yeah, I know." Lavi whispered to himself and smiled remembering Mana, the man who had loved the white haired boy so much. "Your father said so."_

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Years had passed since that day. That first meeting with that boy, Allen. The boy with red hair, now named Lavi often wondered about him. Just that happy face made him truly wonder what it was to be loved again. It had been so long… since his mother and father had held him and murmured soothing words to him. He actually couldn't even remember what they looked like anymore. Their faces had just faded away.

One day, his wonderings were answered, the day he and Allen Walker met again. Allen didn't remember him, and that suited Lavi just fine. It would have been hard explaining why his name had been Otto then and Lavi now. But something about Allen's smile, it was an older and sadder smile yes, one framed with white hair and a dark red scar, as opposed to one with soft chocolate hair and smooth pale skin, it was still that same happy smile that very few people had.

It was the smile that made him question whether or not he truly wanted to kill his heart. Too kill the thing his true name ironically stood for. The name that his mother had chosen for him. The name he had now, so similar to his true name, Lavi wondered if bookman didn't really know his name, and was trying to mock him with it. Lev meaning heart in Hebrew, the name his mother had chosen, of all other names in the world to choose from. The irony of it made Lavi want to laugh at times, and cry at others. His mother hand named him after something his teacher wanted him to kill.

Seeing that smile on the young Allen's face had planted a seed of doubt in Lavi, who had been Otto at the time. He started to wonder if he really wanted to be a cold bastard like bookman. If he really did want to be friends with people, even after they had treated him so badly. Lavi knew he couldn't just back down from his position as bookman junior, but he had found himself wanting to go and stay with his new found friends. Lenalee, Kanda, Krory, Miranda, and of course, Allen.

Lavi found himself wanting to be human, wanting to be able to show his friends the boy who lived under the mask that Lavi had created, wanted to be able to talk with his friends without having to watch every word he said. Lavi wanted to be able to trust these people, the people who had found their way into a heart he thought that he himself had killed.

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The tall Chinese man grinned crazily at the pair.

"Allen, Lavi, you two will be going to a small town in India called Panaji, we believe there to be an innocence in that area." Allen noted Lavi stiffening at the mention of the towns name but said nothing.

"When do you want us to leave?" Lavi asked

"As soon as you're packed." Lavi nodded and left the room silently leaving a slightly surprised Allen and Koumi behind.

The train ride was tense and unusually quiet, considering who was on the train. Allen stared at his friend worriedly but Lavi didn't notice. He was too busy staring out of the window, watching the scenery rush by the speeding train.

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_It was a dream Lavi remembered having before, but never was able to actually remember the whole dream. He would be a small child again, scared and alone, always being bullied by people who thought they were better than him. Suddenly, there would be warm and familiar arms around him. A hand would gently pat and stroke his wild red hair, cooing soothing words into his ear. 'mother' he would always say, before snuggling down into the embrace. After a short while he would look up, too see his mothers face, but he would always wake up just before his vision could come into focus, and the image was always blurry and distorted. Or, at least it used to always be. Why, on this night of all nights would he be able to see his mother? Was it being in his hometown again after all this time? Maybe it was the fact he had seen one of his tormentors, the one who bookman had scolded for throwing rocks at his new student, walking down the road, holding a little girl on his shoulders and a wife at his side, looking just so damned happy. _

_Lavi sighed to himself and rose from his bed he wasn't going to get any sleep if he didn't visit the place he had been dreading to go back to ever since he had left it all those years ago._

_Allen woke when he heard someone leave the hotel room he was sharing with Lavi. Glancing around groggily he was that the redhead's bed was empty. Allen hurried after the older boy, curious, before coming to a graveyard._

_A tall figure stood in front of a set twin graves, smiling sadly to them. Crouching down as he did all that time ago, he reached out and brushed his fingers along the rough stone surface and slightly worn engraving, savouring the feeling._

_"Well, I never thought I would get to stand here again. Mother, father. I hope you guys are proud of me up there. Even if I'm still a little screwy." the lanky red head smiled to himself. Lost in his own musings, he failed to hear the soft tread of footsteps behind him._

_"These are your parent's graves?" Lavi nearly jumped three feet in the air when a familiar voice came from behind him._

_"Jesus! Allen! What are you doing here!?" the flustered red head demanded of his pale friend._

_"I heard you leave and was curious. Did you live here when you were young?" Allen looked up at the older boy who nodded._

_"I don't really remember much though. It was a long time ago."_

_"Oh…" they stood in silence for a while before Allen spoke, "Well, I'll leave you alone then. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" Lavi saw that the younger boy had been worrying so he put on a smile to soothe him of the unnecessary thoughts._

_"Yeah, night Allen."_

_"Good night Lavi!" the white haired you smiled before walking back into the night._

_"Thank you Allen." Lavi whispered, "Thank you for keeping me from killing Lev." Lavi smiled as he remembered his dream, his mother's face filling his mind. Her stormy grey eyes as soft and friendly as Allen's were. It had taken a long time, but Lavi remembered why Allen's eyes had always been so familiar. They were the same as his mothers, soft and gentle, yet full of determination, eyes that wanted nothing more than the people around them to be happy._

_Lavi smiled at the graves for a moment more before heading back to the hotel room he was sharing with Allen, and back to the life he was being forced to lead._

End.

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